Stress is one of the most common situations, today, that has an impact on the quality of life. People with money are stressed, people without money are stressed, people in relationships are stressed – people who are alone- are stressed. The reasons for the stress may be different for different people– but the stress is there.
You may already be successful -but the multiple situations are creating stress and you don’t enjoy what the success has given you.
You may have the potential, intelligence, and capacity to achieve much in your life and wish to live a joyful, relaxed and meaningful life. But the stress and tensions are reducing your effectiveness, and your focus, affecting your health, relations, joy, and overall, the whole quality of life.
In modern living, almost everyone faces many daily situations that create stress.
UNDERSTANDING STRESS:
Knowing about stress doesn’t help. What is needed is an experiential understanding of what creates stress in us and what can help us in being free from the stress. only this practical focus can help individuals in stress-free living.
The first thing to understand is that -Stress is a natural mechanism and gives us more energy at the time when we face challenges in life. That way, stress is fine and useful – if it comes and goes with challenges coming and going. That is natural.
A story to understand the usefulness of the nature of the stress
One beautiful morning a crow was sitting on a tree enjoying the rising sun. Then the crowd saw a rabbit running so fast and a Wolf was running behind it. The rabbit ran so fast that the Wolf couldn’t catch it, and it saved its life.
The crow went to the place where the rabbit was sitting and asked the rabbit – how do you manage running so fast – you have smaller legs -a smaller body… Wolf has a bigger body – long legs and jumps longer than you. How do you manage running so fast that Wolf cannot catch you?
And the rabbit replied – It is very simple! For Wolf, it is a matter of breakfast and for me, it is a question of life and death. That gives the energy to run so fast. If a Lion was running behind the wolf, the wolf would also run very fast.
This story explains a little – whenever there is a challenge, we need the energy to save ourselves. And stress brings that energy. That way stress is fine and useful to life– but when the challenge is gone, stress needs to go also.
But being stressed all the time? Day and night? – if it becomes a way of living – that is unnatural and unhealthy. And we are responsible for that.
We, human beings don’t live a natural life- so most of our challenges are our own creations and so is our stress too. We have Goals, Desires, ambitions, Possessions, Identifications, Relations, Expectations, and so on… and It is almost impossible that everything works fine all the time for everyone. And when things don’t work well –and you become worried/stressed/sleepless, day and night.
There is another factor about stress–When there is stress mind starts worrying, mental worries and this worry creates more stress- and we are caught in a negative cycle and stress keeps multiplying.
HOW TO WORK ON STRESS:
A. FROM BLAME TO BEING RESPONSIBLE:
The mind focuses on situations and people who create stress. Blames situations and people for your stress.
If you blame the situations and people for your stress – and try to change the situations and the people – you will get exhausted and will not manage to come out of stress. So many situations, so many people and life keep bringing new situations that create stress. Even if you change situations or relations – soon you will find that the same stress happening in new the situation. The reason is that you are the same.
Blaming the situations and people outside will never make you capable to come out of the stress.
If you take the responsibility that I am responsible for my stress –looking inside will make it obvious that -my attitudes, judgments, inner reactions, my expectations are creating stress – then you can start becoming aware of your attitudes, reactions, and expectation – that is the beginning of a change in your attitudes, patterns….
With Meditation, Mindfulness your patterns are dropped, then situations will have no power to create stress in you.
When you are aware and conscious -you will have mastery. And there will be no stress.
B. FROM OUTSIDE TO INSIDE:
If you look at your life, -like everyone else, you also want happiness. You work hard for it – and the result is stress, not happiness. Stress was not your choice, not your intention and it happens. Your choice and your intention were happiness– and it doesn’t happen.
Desiring happiness –and walking into the stress. This is an unconscious journey. You keep hoping for happiness and keep living in stress.
Every child is born with relaxation, bubbling joy – and it is hard to find a relaxed adult. What happens? Our conditioning takes us out – and we search for happiness- in money, in success, in power, position — in the good opinion of people in society. In this unconscious journey of achieving outside – we don’t find happiness but lose the relaxation and happiness–that was already there.
When we change the direction of the search from outside to inside –when we become conscious, aware, inside- stress disappears-we discover natural relaxation and joy within.
FROM KNOWLEDGE TO EXPERIENCE:
It is important to understand that Change in Body and Mind experience doesn’t happen just by knowledge. Only experiential methods and practice can bring a change in life. Knowledge in the mind is simply information- It is incapable to make changes in deep unconscious patterns that are creating stress.
For example-Everyone knows that smoking is harmful, and people are smoking- a packet of cigarettes has warned that “Smoking Kills” and people are holding that packet and smoking. And you know that even a doctor may be smoking.
The same is true about all the habits and patterns -eating habits, drinking habits, fighting, sleeping habit, and others that are not healthy. Everybody has the right knowledge -and their actions don’t follow the knowledge- in actual life.
Patterns and habits are in the deep unconscious mind – and that is 9 times more powerful than the conscious mind that has knowledge. When a real situation comes –always unconscious patterns win.
You decide not to do certain things but when the time comes, you find that you are doing them. And after doing that, you repent about that. And whenever the situation will come again, you will do the same. This keeps happening -And will keep happening till we become enough conscious and aware.
Knowledge is useful in outer areas but for a change in life, the only way is -to live in experience through awareness, and mindfulness.
By having attention outside – continuously thinking of things, people, and situations outside- we become unaware of our body-mind. In Body-Mind stress is happening and we are busy with our attention outside. For making a change from stress to relaxation, we need to become aware of where the stress is- and it is in our body-mind.
There are so many situations and people that create stress, and you cannot change them all -. But it is practically possible to make a change in your body-mind- the location where the stress is. It is like -When your body is hurt–you have a wound – you put bandage and medicine where the wound is- regardless of what created the wound. This is scientific-practical – and it works. The same applies to stress – Working where the stress is. Relaxing the body, relaxing the intensity of thoughts, and being silent – that is the solution.
There are many methods for being aware – experiment with methods – be aware of your body and you will find stress starts disappearing and your body relaxes. You can also practice Breath Awareness, Awareness of the Thought and Feelings to come out of stress.
BODY and STRESS:
The reasons for the stress are outside, but the stress happens in the body-mind. When there is stress, the body gets tense, it becomes restless, the mind starts worrying, and negative emotions become stronger and more intense. These are the locations where stress exits.
Through techniques, you can work on Stress that is in the body, mind, and emotions. But actually; Body, Mind, and Emotions are all connected-they are not separate. What happens in the body- also creates an effect on the mind and on emotions. And what happens in your mind and in your emotional situations impacts your body. So, working with your body is working on your mind and your emotions too, and vice versa
Start with, the BODY. Working on the Body is easier, and simpler than Mind and Emotions. And it is always right to start with simpler and easier ones and then move to more complex ones.
In modern living, in life today, the body is used very little, and the mind is used too much – the balance in life is lost. There is stress in the body, we have no sense of the body- the sensitivity of the body is gone.
So these are 2 steps – for having a stress-free body again:
one- using methods to move from stress to relaxation in the body
and two-
Learning awareness of the body and practicing awareness in real situations can cause stress. That will prevent stress to happen.
Normally -to avoid stress, people work on situations or work on the people who are the cause of stress. But there are endless situations …. There are endless People to deal with.
Rather than working on so many situations and on so many people – which is a vast area to deal with- it is better, effective, and practical to work on a couple of squire meter areas of your body. Let the body come out of stress …
And if your body is free from stress, you will be more effective in dealing with all the challenging situations and all the challenging people.
THE KEY EXPERIENCE IS AWARENESS: In awareness, the body returns to natural relaxation.
With body relaxation and body awareness, the Senses become alive; your eyes see beauty …. Listening can create deep joy and silence … taste, touch and all the senses create a blissful experience in you….
With stress and tension body becomes unhealthy – with relaxation and awareness – it is healthy and functions well
Keep your body relaxed – and you take better care of your life ..
BREATH AND STRESS:
Breath is the most powerful tool for transformation in life. Whether it is for coming out of stress or the worries of the mind or for calming down the emotional storms – breath works miraculously and can bring well-being. If you can manage your breath well – you manage your life well.
Life starts with the breath and the day we don’t breathe – there is no life. Not only that but also the way we breathe shows how we are living. In anger, the breath is different, in fear the breath is different. When you are relaxed, breathing is different and when you are stressed breathing again is different. Your Breath indicates the state of your body-mind.
A child breathes naturally – it is relaxed it is from the belly. As we grow, we hold tensions… emotions, in the body –and our breathing becomes shallow –then from the chest and short, not relaxed, and not from the belly.
We are capable to change how we breathe –and that can change the quality of our living. That is why breathing techniques can be used to bring change in life- at all levels, body, mind, and emotions. Breath can relax the body, breath can relax the thoughts, breath can release emotions, and bring a centering in life.
If you can relax your breath – be aware of your breath – the emotional state can change, worries of mind can change – tensions in the body can relax. You can relax at all levels – body, mind, and emotions just by changing and relaxing the breath.
Being aware of the natural breath can bring deep relaxation.
MIND AND STRESS:
UNDERSTANDING
Mind is an amazing mechanism that, we have, and it has 2 sides. One area is its knowledge and its capacity – to create, produce, plan, innovate, and learn…. in this area, it is the greatest gift. All our science, technology, progress, and developments are because of this capacity of the mind.
Another area is psychology and its conditioning. I will share some aspects of the mind from this area. Important to understand the functioning of our mind as the mind is the cause of most of our stress. And by understanding, I don’t mean a knowledge of mind but actually seeing and understanding your own mind that creates stress for you.
We are born with body and feelings, but the mind is created in our upbringing by family, education, and society….. All that we think, judge, we evaluate, like, or dislike has come from others and has become part of us.
Conditioned for goals and achievements:
You got conditioned, that you should have success and power, and you should be a good person in the eyes of others. We sacrifice our life for these goals, and achievements and get stressed. And even after being stressed you cannot stop, because of this deep conditioning.
Judgments:
Mind is a judging mechanism. It judges everything, every person, including yourself. Energies that you have from nature are being judged as bad- anger or fear or sex or being sad….
Then you don’t want to be angry or afraid – and you cannot do anything – they are there. The only thing that happens is that you feel you are not good enough… you are not how you should be.
And you create an unpleasant and stressful relationship with yourself.
Inner conflicts:
The mind has conflicting parts in it and one can never rest, relax, and feel good because of those inner conflicts. Whatever you choose to – in mind there is always another opposite part.
With this mind, one lives with many inner conflicts and in stress.
Identifications
The mind gets identified with the body, belief systems, family, property, country, religion, job, and with things in every area of life.
Then anything that happens to where you are identified- it affects you. There are many many situations that have nothing to do directly with your life – but you get stressed because of your identifications with politics, ideologies, sports, country … and many others.
Wherever you are identified, anything happening will affect you. With identifications, you will be disturbed, you will be emotional, and you might have pain. Even if nothing happens -still there is a worry inside -that something wrong may happen, and you get stressed.
How many times do you find yourself in stressful discussions about politics, leaders, players, and ideologies? All discussions have nothing to do directly with individual life- but are just identifications that create fights.
You may think that you love a certain game – but you will find that you only can appreciate the better game of your favorite or country’s team or player. You get frustrated and angry with the better play of the team that is playing against your favorite team. This is identification.
In any unknown situation – the mind often is negative, and it worries. Something may go wrong is the common tendency of the mind and create stress.
Stress creates Mind- and Mind creates stress:
We have looked at many aspects of the mind that create stress.
And another aspect is that when there is stress – the mind worries it becomes more active, and this intense mental activity creates more stress.
This is how one is caught in a negative cycle and stress keeps growing.
Understanding your mind, being aware of your own mind, and your thoughts without any identification calms down the thoughts and you relax.
you will learn some techniques for releasing intense mental activity and relaxing the thoughts – that takes you into peace, and silence and you relax.
EMOTIONS AND STRESS:
UNDERSTANDING
Emotions are very powerful life energies in us. They come like storms and overpower us. Then our thinking, perception and our actions all are controlled by emotions. In Emotions we do things that we will never do with our normal sense and intelligence. How many times you repent later for your reactions and the decisions made in Anger or Fear or Love or Depression but at the time of emotion you cannot see. And again, when emotion comes again you do the same. You are almost a different person when emotions are there.
You create enemy by your reactions in anger- and then you have to deal with it. In love you make promises and later when love disappears – you need to deal with them.
Emotions direct your life…
Emotions and your reactions during emotions both create lot of stress, lot of mess in life.
Your Mind is connected with your Emotions– What you think, the way you think have roots in your emotions and not in the reality. In anger, in fear, when jealousy- in each emotion your mind thinks differently about the situations… about the people…. for example, in love you think differently and when love is no more- you think differently about the same person. This way each person creates a private world by projections through emotions and mind. And then one lives in the problems, issues, and stress of this self-created situation.
Conditioning of the mind judges many emotions as negative, as bad –then you don’t want those emotionsand these emotions keep coming in your life. The only thing that happens is by judging…. being against – you repress these emotions. And with repression- these emotions grow more and become stronger and stronger in unconscious. So, what you don’t want becomes stronger -– and you start exploding on small reasons. Much stress happens because of that in your life.
Some emotions we call good and want to hold them like Happiness or Love … but all Emotions come like waves, and they disappear. We don’t manage to hold them either.
The emotions you want to hold on- they don’t stay and emotions you don’t want they come again and again– and you don’t manage either of them.
In your life – people create emotions in you-and you are helpless. Someone creates anger in you, and you move in one direction, someone creates fear in you, and you move in another direction, someone create greed in you and can manipulate you. For someone you feel love and you move yet in another direction- love get finished and you are looking for a direction. This how people dominate and run your life by triggering emotions in you.
A stressful and unmanageable life we create through emotions.
3 Steps for coming out of emotional stress:
- Releasing the existing repressed emotions:
From childhood, natural expression of many emotions is inhibited and that results into strong, overpowering repressed emotions in life. so first-the Unburdening of repressed emotions is needed.
In society, family, with people– if you express emotions, there are consequences. expressing some of the emotions – will create fights, destroy your relations and many others.
If you don’t express and repress emotions you harm your body-mind, create unhealthy life. Expressing and repressing both create problems.
The third and right option is to express emotions but not on someone. You can express emotions in the air by doing a technique. Then you become unburdened from repressed emotions.
- How not to repress emotions:
Releasing emotions is useful but not enough unless you learn how not to repress and accumulate again.
For not repressing emotions your inner approach needs to change.
Don’t judge emotions as bad – for example -the nature has given you anger so that you can fight with dangers in your life.
By fear you can escape from the dangers.
It natural to feel sad when someone leaves whom you love or any other such happening.
With judgments, being against emotions get repressed.
When you don’t judge– mind is not active – just be aware of the emotion,
In Awareness without judgment, you will watch the wave of emotion disappearing. All emotions are like waves – they rise …. They disappear … with awareness they disappear immediately …
- Art of living the Emotions:
The art to live emotions is to live them in awareness as natural energies in you. You experience them without any fight –watch them come and go. Then there will be no problem – no stress. Experience happens when you are aware of your body-mind.Usually inall emotions whether in Fear, or in Anger or even in love…. your focus, attention is always outside on the person who triggered the emotion. Your mind is busy with that person. More you think of that person- more the emotion will grow. If you are thinking of the person who made you angry – your anger will grow.There is fire of emotion in your body-mind, and you are unaware of it because your attention on the person, cause of emotion.
It is like someone comes put fire to your house – now house is burning, and you are running behind the person -who put the fire. In that moment the first priority is to take care of the fire in the house, save the house -and then you can deal with the person also.
Awareness is coming back and taking care of the fire that is in your body-mind. And that is the only way to live, experience and deal with emotion.
And with that awareness anger starts disappearing … and you take care of yourself – and then you can deal with others also better way.
SLEEP AND STRESS:
Life has a joyful quality when we experience balance in it, Balance is always fulfilling.
One important balance, that life needs is- between Activity and the Rest. The Rest brings the energy back for Activity and Activity takes us into deep relaxing rest. A deep rest in Sleep happens after very good physically active day. And a good and a deep sleep becomes the source of energy for a great active life of the day.
After a deep, relaxing and enough sleep – your day becomes energetic and joyful. The Physical activity and deep sleep support each other –and bring a balance —in that balance life is healthy and joyful.
For heathy living, this balance is needed, and this balance is needed every day.
When sleep is not deep and not enough – you are not comfortable the whole day, you are more irritable, emotionally disturbed, no focus in work and you don’t enjoy the day. And without right sleep you don’t feel love, friendliness…and other qualities that make life beautiful. Then you behave more unconsciously and acting out of this negative state results into stress.
In the past– people were working physically more, and they had good sleep. The Mind was used very little compared to contemporary living. And sleep was never an issue.
Now we live more in our minds and hardly use our bodies. Technology has taken away the physical work– and the media, the world situation, work, relations, family, …. All that is creating too much of the mind. There is no balance.
Laborers and physical workers sleep well and their employers – who may be richer, but they cannot sleep well.
Lifestyle of most of the people, today is against sleep – No use of the Body and Too much of the Mind.And that is why insomnia – sleeplessness is a common situation for many people today.
And a night without sleep and being in the bed is very restless and stressful experience.
3 practical solutions for changing this situation:
The First:
For a good sleep, you need to do lot of physical work every day– let the body sweat – get tired – Enjoy the physical activity – and then enjoy a very deep sleep. It will refresh you – your body mind will function better – you will be more creative – more energetic and less stressful.
The Second:
Reduce the mental activity.
Practicing Techniques and Meditations that can reduce your mental activity and will help in a deep sleep. sleep.
Practice Awareness: In Awareness the mental activity is reduced – mind becomes silent –. And you will be able to avoid too much of mental of the activity that doesn’t allow you to sleep.
The Third:
If you cannot sleep and you are in bed –Tossing and turning in the bed – that becomes a torturous experience. Better not to be in bed if you cannot sleep. Do something else.
And when you cannot sleep – you start worrying more – and with this worry sleep becomes impossible.
Don’t try to sleep. Every effort to sleep will keep you more awake. Sleep is not an activity to do – it is a non-doing, so all efforts will fail, and you will be more frustrated, and awake.
Meditation techniques can bring a change- Once you start enjoying meditation and enjoying awareness – then relaxing in the bed without sleep also can become a blissful experience – relaxing the body … watching the breath – nothing to do – and there is an inner joy…
Not sleeping well – increasesyour stress. And with more stress, worries and tensions –mind becomes more active, and then you cannot sleep well. You need to break this negative cycle. Meditation techniques and awareness will break this cycle and will bring the balance back. And then you can have good sleep and alsoyou can have great active part of life -both.
MINDSETS AND STRESS
Our approach to life, to situations and to people comes out of our mindsets -that we have developed in our upbringing. Our stress and many other issues of life have roots in these mindsets.
This is a journey of introspection, recognizing the inner mindsets, being aware of them – for a healthy change in life.
Important to understand the functioning of these mindsets, attitude and patterns and how they create stress and other issues in life. And how we can be free from them and bring relaxation and happiness back in life.
With unconscious Mindsets we behave mechanically, repeatedly create stress and issues. By being conscious these mind sets can drop -then we act out of freedom not by compulsion.
MINDSET ABOUT GOALS
It is common we create many goals at work and in personal life– and then work hard to achieve them and get stressed.
You hope for a better life after achieving goals- but actually end up in a stressful life.
Goals are for future – and life is today, now. Being goal oriented – you sacrifice today by getting stressed -in a hope of a better tomorrow …
Mindset of achieving Goals makes the Destination, end of the journey important and makes the journey itself – stressful.
People, business houses, countries set big goals. In most cases the goals are out of ambitions and desires, they are not practical and realistic -that is why achieving them becomes an intense process and create unhealthy situation for body-mind in individuals.
Practically life needs plans and goals but psychologically being identified and getting stressed is because of the mindsets.
There are 2 KEY points for not getting stressed because of the goals:
Being practical about goals:
Analyze, study, plan the amount of work and time it needs- think of everything before deciding goals -so your goals are practical, reasonable and possible to achieve – and they don’t become problem and stress. Then, you don’t try to do impossible and get stressed.
Make it clear for yourself and to others- what you can do and also what you cannot do- both. When what you cannot do is also clear – then you avoid the expectations and stress.
Be aware of your mindset, and don’t get identified with goals – be objective. Stay aware and enjoy each step of the journey.
And when you don’t achieve the goal, then too if you are unidentified -you can be relaxed without any stress. The awareness will empower you, to remain centered, not shaky.
PERFECTION AND STRESS:
Perfection is a goal for many people –but in reality, perfection is a path to stress, tensions and judgments.
Mind and ego desire for Perfection. When you think -what you have done is perfect- it supports your ego.
And when you try to be perfect, and you don’t manage- you develop self-judgments and don’t feel good about yourself. And actually, you cannot be perfect in everything. So, by being a perfectionist, most of the time you will end up judging yourself negatively.
The perfection – means that there is no possibility for things to be better …. It is a dead end! Things cannot grow further … there is no evaluation with the idea of perfection
The Idea of perfection has no room for mistakes – that way it is not human. And perfectionists have difficulties and troubles in accepting the mistakes. They suffer the most and feel bad with the mistakes.
Hardly a perfectionist will be satisfied – rarely will have appreciation for things and for people. That kind of mind cannot enjoy life and things as they are.
Perfectionist will havejudgements about the people and cannot enjoy good relations withsimple and ordinary people. We all may have some good skills but still we are all ordinary.
Perfectionist cannot delegate .. as that mind thinks no one can do better.
Perfectionist will have more and unrealistic expectations from others.
The perfection focusses on the result and puts the outcome at higher level than the person and the effort. Maximum expectations and no human respect.
Yes- it is important to have quality in work and in results, but the Mindset of Perfection is unnatural and stressful. Then how we can have relaxation and work quality both? The Inner quality of being TOTAL in activity can change this situation.
What is totality? And how you can be total?
Totality is when you do something with such love, care, enjoying it, giving your whole energy to the activity you are doing …. You are not halfhearted – your whole body-mind is present and involved in what you are doing.
With this quality of doing – there is a joy of doing and the result naturally will be the best possible. There is peak performance, you enjoy, and the best result is just a byproduct of doing with totally.
Perfectionist is future oriented – result oriented – worried what will be the result… and in totality – one is totally present, in the moment while doing.
For example, a mother is total in her care for the child …. she has love for what she is doing. And a nurse or a caretaker may be very skilled …. Trying to do a perfect care but cannot bring the quality of a mother.
Great players, musicians, painters – become so total in what they are doing …. That they move in a different space inside. In you your life – you will also find that in some activity – you get absorbed – you forget the time …. – that is the Totality, and this totality can be brought to each and everyactivity of the life. That is possible.
Let the best result be the byproduct of your totality and joy- not a goal to sacrifice your relaxation and get stressed.
COMPARISON AND STRESS:
One of the main Mindsets that causes misery and stress in life; is that you compare yourself with others.
Living your life totally and enjoying is beautiful. But when you compare yourself with others and work hard to become better than others – that is just a waste of your energy, efforts and it is stressful. And you are responsible for it.
Everyone is unique. Life happens when you live and experience -what you have. In comparison with others, you don’t live what you have – you start thinking, what I have is less that others or more than others. This is just a mind game- it has nothing to do with life experience.
Conditioning of comparing- that you need to be better than others, starts from the childhood, in your school you need to first. And the whole life that mindset continues.
This Conditioning makes you competitors, not friends. The jealousy – happens when you compare yourself with others but not love.
There are endless dimensions and areas in the life -and there are endless people with whom you compare yourself in each area.Then there is no possibility to live happily and relaxed.
Someone has more money, somebody is more powerful, somebody is more beautiful, somebody is stronger, someone is more famous, Someone is more Intelligent …. And on and on… and you remain smaller by comparing.
Each person is unique – there is no other person like you -and the uniqueness cannot be compared.
Be aware of your mindset that compares. Always remember your uniqueness. Your life is beautiful when you grow in your unique potential and be happy. There is a dignity in it. Let the others grow in their potential and be happy. Relax and enjoy your uniqueness-There is no comparison. And this uniqueness is discovered by Awareness.
OTHERS’ OPINIONS AND STRESS
Almost everyone has a Mindset of being concerned -How others think about me, opinions they have for me –what image I have in the eyes of others. And this Mindset becomes one of the main reasons for stress.
People give major part of their energy and effort in life-for their image. Being famous, powerful, having prestige –are not your real needs of life, nor your natural experiences. Just a Mindset that wants to have attention and appreciation of people.
Your big houses, cars, cloths, jewelries…brands you use –mostly these are for showing to others. Isn’t it strange, that you buy things – you do thing that others would like? Your needs will have a small listof the things which -even if no one knows -still you enjoy.
Those who earn more and want to show to others …. And those who give, donate, do service and want to show to others …. All are lost in the same game ….. game of how people think of them. Not only while they are alive – even after death – people want to leave their names in the history.
Way of living to impress others- is not living at all. Life is in experiencing it – not in opinions.
Now, these days, with social media – it is more obvious -that people are doing everything, even asking to receive likes, hearts and comments on media. But actually, human mind had always been hankering for likes.
You may work hard for good opinions – but nobody can manage good opinions of all the people. It is a stressful effort, and you will always remain insecure.
People can become threat to you as they can hurt your image and opinion about you. They can manipulate – if they give you a hope to build a good image of you. That is how others have power over you – when you are needy of their opinions.
Many suicides happen -when persons loose prestige, or image in the eyes of society, people.
Why this happens? Why so much hankering for people’s opinion? And how you can be free from it?
The reason is that we don’t know ourselves directly. We know ourselves through the eyes of the others. When others say that I am good – then I am good ….. less you know yourself more you depend on the opinions….
Awareness is the way to know yourself. And knowing yourself is freedom from others’ opinions. And this freedom makes you independent,centered and confident in your life.
The best way to miss the life is when you live your life to keep other people happy. And the best way to live life is to live for yourself and your joy.
MISTAKES AND STRESS:
When you do a mistake often you feel bad, feel guilty and you get stressed.
People, businesses, even countries – hide their mistakes; people blame others or certain situations for their mistakes.
With this Mindset of being against the mistakes, the stress happens.And the reality is that making mistakes is so human – it is part of everyone’s life, there is nobody who doesn’t make mistakes.
If you really look into mistakes, you will find that each mistake is a great opportunity to learn and to improve yourself. There is no other better teacher than your own mistakes. By learning from the mistakes– your experience grows, you become more intelligent, mature.
SERIOUSNESS AND STRESS (SENSE OF HUMOUR):
In all the situations where you get stressed, one of the mindsets you will find that you take them too seriously. And you are unable to see the lighter, easy funny side of the things.
About your goals, success, power, competition, about people’s opinions- you are very serious. Seriousness has an uneasy approach–and brings stress. Everything changes when you have lighter approach… a sense of humor….
Children are enjoying toys – adults trying to enjoy bigger toys. A child enjoys a toy car more than an adult is trying to enjoy the big car – because the adult is serious …. The quality of a child comes from nature and has joy, playfulness -which seriousness destroys in an adult.
Take things easy, be playful –have a sense of humor and you will not get stressed.
Find a joke for any situation that looks serious to you.
You might have noticed that people who do comedy – mimicry shows – they can see things in such details – in such a funny way and very intelligently …
When you have a sense of humor, your intelligence functions better – and you can be more creative in finding solutions for the issues and problems and you will not get stressed.
There are two possible approaches in life – one is Seriousness -that is unnecessary and unhealthy for your body mind- it causes stress.
And another approach, is of being Sincere that is beautiful. When you are sincere – you will do better in your actions and in your relations both. And you will feel good about yourself.
Be sincere – that is the way for performing well and also feeling good.
Have a sense of humor in all kinds of situations and you will not be stressed. Laughter is healthy, valuable, and pleasant.
WHEN YOU CANNOT DO ANYTHING- RELAX:
There are certain situations, in which it is not in your hands to do anything to make a change. And still, you get stressed.
For example – you are stuck in traffic –you are in the middle of it – and you cannot do anything now.
Or you are at airport and flight get delayed or get cancelled.
You had an important meeting and other person get sick.
Happenings because of weather or pandemic or other reasons -And you cannot do anything.
In such situations, stop for a moment, be aware and see – can you do something in this situation. If you can do something – it is great! Do whatever you can and relax.
And why get stressed, frustrated, angry when you cannot do anything? Bygetting stressed, frustrated, you waste your energy….andharm your body-mind. The just recognize this fact that you cannot do anything to make a change. Be aware -And relax with the reality.
ACCEPTANCE AND STRESS
Acceptance is veryvaluablequalityin us -that can make life totally different and stress free.
For everyone, there are so many reasons for stress- situations in the world or in the society, finance, family, work, or your relations, it may be your health, age or body situation.
Situations, challenges and people that create stress- that is just the outer part. You cannot avoid what happens in your life. But how you receive these situations and these challenges -how you respond to these situations inside- that depend on your inner awareness, acceptance and understanding. And your stress depends on how you are inside.
Behind each stress -deep down you will find that -inside you are fighting against the situations or persons … and that is the root cause of your stress.
When Acceptance is your way to receive – to whatever comes in your life, then you are different, then there is no fight inside. And you don’t move into stress, and worries.
What is acceptance particularly in relation to stress and relaxed living?
You accept things or conditions legally or things that are practical. One kind of acceptance.
Sometimes you don’t have any choice and you say “I have to accept it”- you would not like to accept but there is a kind of compulsion without any choice for you. This is not an acceptance inside you.
There are things –that you accept as morality. Or you are forced to accept by law, by society – Such acceptance doesn’t have a quality of real acceptance from your deep inside.
The real acceptance is, when you drop the fight, there is no fight inside, no judgment inside. your energy is not in conflict – you are relaxed … you are so accepting –that if a situation remains as it is -for the rest of your life – you are ready to live it. This quality is acceptance.
And in that quality of acceptance there is no stress…
In Life, you have to face all kind of people and their actions– many of them create stress. There are people who lie to you, who cheat, people who break their commitments, there are people do crimes ….
There are people against you ….
What acceptance means in such cases? Do you have to agree to people and their such actions?
No! Acceptance doesn’t mean that you start thinking that everything is good, every action is good – no! acceptance is not about any positive judgment from mind….
Acceptance means – seeing things as they are –seeing people as they are –seeing their actions factually – seeing the reality as it is …
Just you are not fighting inside, you are understanding and accepting.
Wherever you fight inside -you create stress. In acceptance, there is no fight –and no stress.
By accepting you know the persons as they are- without judgments-and exactly knowing a person helps you in – dealing the person rightly. – some people question- that if you accept – how you are going to deal with challenges? Actually, when you accept -You understand better and you will deal the challenges in a better way, in an effective way -without getting stressed.
There is another aspect and even more important – and that is accepting yourself as you are. Your body, mind- your capacities- accept everything in you – factually… and no need to have ideals about you – how you should be. Then only you can relax with yourself.
When Acceptance is there in this flow of life in all the changes of life –you are present, experiencing and living whatever is there. Things change – acceptance remains …. Inner quality remains …..and you are relaxed..
14-TAKEAWAY TIPS AND POINTS:
Awareness is empowering, makes you capable of living challenges confidently, comfortably and without getting into stress. Challenges are bigger- only when you are less capable.
3 steps towards stress free living:
Acknowledging, Accepting and Action
- Acknowledge the stress or any other issue that is in you- … without rationalizing –that there are reasons, or situations-that is why the stress, or everyone has the stress… no need to rationalize it – Just Recognize it – as a bare fact that there is a stress, and you experience it. Then the journey of coming out of stress can start.
- Then Accept the stress that you acknowledged as a fact, a reality – without any judgments about it …. Fighting , judging doesn’t help —accepting helps.
- Action – do the techniques that can release the stress, use the understanding of the stress– and create the experience of awareness and relaxation.
Awareness is the solution. In awareness, your body relaxes, your mind relaxes and becomes silent, emotions calm down – and there is no stress when you are aware….
Do Meditation techniques, particularly Active Meditation Techniques forAwareness.
For deeper experience of awareness in life-techniques need to be done rightly and regularly. Just knowing the technique has no value- unless you actually do it regularly.
Experience Awareness through techniques, then practice this awareness in the life – start with simple activities –be aware in your walking, taking a shower, having a tea … awareness will make activities joyful …and by practice your awareness will grow.
Relaxation is easy, awareness is easy, only thing happens that we forget. Stress is difficult, tension is difficult. Tension is like holding a fist -tight- it takes energy, you need to maintain it. and relaxation is like a open hand – no effort is needed.
By being aware Not only stress – you will manage all internal issues- by being aware.
USE THE DAY AS UNIT: If you want a stress-free living, want a sensitive, aware life – review your day -and come out of stress every day and bring the balance back. if you don’t balance a day– next day stress accumulates more -and becomes more difficult.
For learning techniques for relaxing the body, mind, emotions, for sleep disorders, dealing with mindsets that create stress; you can buy online video course: Managing Your Stress from this link:
https://www.udemy.com/course/managing-your-stress/?referralCode=DA283212446DDDCA1FD4
For learning techniques and other matters about meditation you can book online session:
https://devendracourses.com/individual-sessions/